Day 11: I am thankful for my sister
I was trying to save the people posts for towards the end of the month, because they’re EASY. I love the people in my life dearly, I hold them close to my heart, and I appreciate them every single day. So these posts are easy to talk about, and I usually run through them at the beginning of each November. I wanted to do it slightly differently this month, so I’d have things to talk about throughout the month. Saving the people I appreciate for the end of the month meant I needed to think more carefully about my gratitude posts during the rest of the month.
Yesterday, though, my sister was the many things I needed her to be: voice of reason, the source of calm, the outpouring of love. I don’t like going to her when I’m upset about the particular person we needed to discuss, because I don’t want to put my stress on her. But she knows him more clearly than I do. She knows how to put his moods into better focus for me to understand. He is a volatile person, and I am an emotionally charged person. So when this person gets angry with me, I panic. No matter how carefully I have planned, no matter how calmly I intend to handle a situation, as soon as his feathers get ruffled, I get freaked out and act like a spaz.
So, I went to my sister first, before I reacted. No, that’s not true – I reacted and typed out a response. But I did not SEND the response. I knew it was emotional and he would not appreciate it, so I deleted it, I went to bed (upset), and sent an email to my sister instead. I checked my phone a dozen times for a response from her before she called me in the morning (at a reasonable but still early for me time, so I’m sure she didn’t expect me to be awake and ready to talk hours earlier). She reminded me of the thought and consideration I had put into the things that were being debated (even though they aren’t really up for debate), she reminded me that I was focused on the right priorities, and she reminded me that this person seems to believe they have influence over parts of my life that they’re not really invited to be in control.
She was, as I said, my voice of reason. And she kept her own response to me calm, collected, and infused with love. Sometimes, a girl just needs a good sounding board. I have any number of friends who could have done the same thing (and a couple did), but my sister knows the situation far more intimately than anyone else could, and so having her reassurance was just the thing I needed to get on with my day.
I decided to try to confront the situation head on, but that possibility was taken out of my hands, so I did what I could to diffuse it and went on about my day. We had a busy day planned, and I wanted it to be a GOOD busy day. There was a physics project, preparation for an interview, and a battle of the Spider Population in my personal haven to tackle. My daughter and I had such a fabulous day Saturday, I wanted our Sunday to follow suit.
And, while the stress remained within me and at the back of my mind the entire day, we DID have a good day. We ran our errands quickly and came home to tackle our projects. We have more to do throughout the week, but this weekend feels like a weekend SHOULD feel: it was time spent together, and time spent preparing for the week ahead.
Thanks to my beautiful sister, I was able to enjoy it, and I have something to look forward to at the end of today: we’re taking her little guy to the park together. Happy day ahead!